you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize