im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
