i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
