i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Success! We fucked roommates!
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
