He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize