"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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