I feel like abortions should bother me more
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
