Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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