you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
