Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
