Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
i just made my gag reflex go away.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
