Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
