Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I touched a dick in church today
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
