I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Dick very happy bro
Randomize
