I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Randomize
