Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
You smell like stripper and shame
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
