His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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