Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
