bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
