Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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