My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Randomize
