We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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