I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
