Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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