we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
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remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
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You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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