He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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