Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
