if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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