its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
