I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
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