i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Drunk is a universal language darling
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