I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize