your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Gay?
German.
Pity.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
