I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
