I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Terrible idea I love it
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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