i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
