Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
