it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize