I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
