just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
What a dumb baby whore.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
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