so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Randomize
