Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
They are going to name an STD after you.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
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