I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
