just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Randomize
