my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
