I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
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