its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
