yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Semen is not good for contacts.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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