i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
