I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
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