Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
