I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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