it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
