Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
