Im at strip club and am horny
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
