Do you still have your period?
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
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