She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
