is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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