This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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