Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
