I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
