At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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