He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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