i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
