why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
