I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
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She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
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At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.