Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.