Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest