you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation