i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.