Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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