I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I just googled if crying burns calories
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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